


Lost in your touch / Feeling far too much

by djliquidvoid



Category: Homestuck, MS Paint Adventures
Genre: F/F, First Kiss, Rosemary Month
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-24
Updated: 2017-10-24
Packaged: 2019-01-21 19:44:32
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,006
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12464562
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/djliquidvoid/pseuds/djliquidvoid
Summary: Rose is fucking gay.





	Lost in your touch / Feeling far too much

Kanaya quietly mused to herself miscellaneous thoughts that flowed through her as the silent hum of the veil's electrical power system enveloped the atmosphere, creating a kind of calm one doesn't feel in sweeps. She watched silently as Dave and Karkat discussed various topics she couldn’t care for that much. She thought to herself, wondering what life could be like in her new world. Her thoughts drifted. Would she be a caretaker for new planet's mother grub? Would it have, or even need one? She thought about her day-to-day life. Who she would spend it with.

Her mind promptly drifted to someone.

Rose's writing hand danced across the page of her journal in a perfectly choreographed series of loops, curls, and lines as she let her thoughts out. She wasn't filtering what she wrote at all - after all, would anyone see this?

She asked herself questions, about her future. What was her purpose in playing this game? Creating a universe? Would their success mean anything at all? Rose felt a stab of guilt at the thought of this whole endeavour being just a self-fulfilling quest for her - it couldn't possibly be. What about her friends? The trolls? They had to play a part, so what will they get out of it? She remembered their plans to enter her own universe to rule over it tyrannically, and silently thanked Vriska for putting John to sleep at just the right time to stop that from ever happening. What would her life be like? What would she do to contribute to this new world? Her thoughts inadvertently synchronised with Kanaya's as she desperately begged her own mind for something, anything. Would her Seer powers be of any use her?

She decided against revealing her own future. However, there was one desire for her future that she knew she had all on her own.

What is the purpose of this game?  
To create a new universe?  
What do we get out of fulfilling the perpetual cycle of life  
That Paradox Space locks us all into  
Without remorse, or hesitation?  
Is it personal satisfaction?  
Fulfilment?  
The opportunity to rule over something,  
Just like what was taken from you at the last moment?

That might have been for the best for us.  
But even though I know this to be true, I wonder...  
What will we do with ours?

You had a whole universe taken from you.  
I want you to know that you as far as I'm concerned,  
You are my universe.

Ugh, no. That was horrible. “You are my universe”? How fucking cliched can you get? Rose supposed it could have some sort of meaning to it. How would she feel if such a poem was directed to her?

She would feel pity, and not Karkat's meaning of pity. She would want to rip the poem apart verbally, criticising its every word. But she couldn’t possibly do that to someone who loved her so much.

Could anyone love her that much? Was she, Rose Lalonde, able to turn someone into just a useless fucking piece of shit who can’t write to save her life and lets her feelings get eaten up daily as her heart melts at the thought of her? Rose thought about that for a second. How would she feel if someone like that proposed to spend the rest of her life with her? Would she be consumed by a sick, horrible guilt that tore her livelihood away from her if she say no, even if she didn’t want to say yes?

She didn’t want to inflict that upon anyone. So she decided to withhold the poem from her lover for now--

Lover!? God, she was fucking delusional. Useless. She was useless. She couldn’t think of anyone else who she wanted so much, desperately longing for her. Her presence, her touch, her warm, deep voice. She wanted nothing more than to be with her. To just… have her as all she knew in that moment. To have her. There. She wanted right now, and she wanted it so fucking badly she almost brought herself to tears.

Kanaya laid her hand on the door.

Oh shit. Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck she didn’t actually mean it when she said right now no no no no no...

Kanaya turned the door handle.

Rose leapt at the door with all she had, letting out a growling cry as the thought of Kanaya seeing her like this took on the feeling of a hot metal knife twisting into her. She wanted Kanaya more than anything else in the incipisphere, but not like this.

Rose leant her weight against the door, simultaneously trying to relax herself and let her tension go while blocking access from the person she most wanted to give it to in any state other than this. This stupid emotional state she fell into sometimes, when she just turned utterly useless and broke down into tears about whoever she loved, or hated.

This seemed to happen much more easily at the thought of Kanaya. And Rose hated it. She hated that she couldn’t be the person that Kanaya wanted - a stable, well-adjusted woman. But no. Kanaya had to have an emotional wreck like Rose fruitlessly pining over her. As Rose made a final desperate attempt to contain herself and walk back to her bed to lie down, she heard the door handle turn.

OH HELL NO.

Rose threw herself at the door with all she had in her - the violent force tearing her apart, the force holding her together, everything in her body flew forward in a desperate attempt to save herself from Kanaya, and save Kanaya from herself. Kanaya immediately lurched back at the sight of Rose flying towards her, her eyes filled with anger, and frustration, and… no, it couldn’t be hatred… she thought for a split second before throwing herself out of the way as Rose tore through the wooden door separating her from the embodiment of everything she ever loved.

Kanaya felt everything she could possibly feel as she laid her jade green eyes upon her emotionally broken lover - jegus christ, lover? Is she hearing herself right now? - and tried to talk. She tried to get a word out, but what could she possibly say? Rose was reduced to a crying mess on the floor and she felt like she was the cause of it.

Kanaya leant down towards Rose.

“Rose… Oh my god, I’m so sorry, what did I do…”

“It’s not you,” Rose sobbed, her voice muffled by the cold, hard floor of the meteor.

“It’s me.”

“Read the last written on page in this,” Rose pleaded. She had realised that Kanaya had taken this as hatred for her, and wanted to fix it.

Kanaya flipped backwards through, anticipating what Rose had written for her. She was expecting a poem, perhaps a fiction piece about them.

Oh how wrong she was.

Desperate, jagged scribbles lined the page. “I’m a fucking worthless piece of shit.” “You’re all I can think about.” “Please Kanaya, I want you so fucking much you don’t even know.”

“I wish I was good enough for you.”

Jade tears began to well up in Kanaya’s eyes as she stared down at Rose. She had never known anything about her feelings, she didn’t even know is Rose had feelings, and now…

“Rose…” Kanaya whispered to her. “You’re not useless.”

Rose realised her mistake.

FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK NOOOO SHE DID NOT NEED TO SEE THAT. Rose barely even knew she was writing it, and now Kanaya had seen into her. She had seen her for the broken piece of garbage she was.

“Oh my god. I am so sorry you had to see that…” Rose started. Kanaya turned her head, not knowing what Rose meant.

Rose continued after not getting a response. “I directed you to the wrong page. Second-last one.” Kanaya realised her mistake, and turned the page.

What is the purpose of this game?  
To create a new universe?  
What do we get out of fulfilling the perpetual cycle of life  
That Paradox Space locks us all into  
Without remorse, or hesitation?  
Is it personal satisfaction?  
Fulfilment?  
The opportunity to rule over something,  
Just like what was taken from you at the last moment?

That might have been for the best for us.  
But even though I know this to be true, I wonder...  
What will we do with ours?

You had a whole universe taken from you.  
I want you to know that you as far as I'm concerned,  
You are my universe.

There’s the poem she had been expecting. Kanaya’s tears took on a whole new meaning. “Rose…” she started. She wanted to say it was beautiful, but she couldn’t.

She dropped the notebook and cupped her hands to the Rose’s chin, lifting her head up to face her. “It’s…”

She caught herself. “You’re… beautiful.”

It was a bit of a lame compliment, sure but she meant it.

“Kanaya…?” Rose started to say something, but then lost her train of thought.

She started laughing. Gradually, it built to hysterical laughter.

“I’m beautiful,” she repeated over and over again. “I’m beautiful, i’m beautiful, i’m beautiful…”

Something tells me she needed that right about now, Kanaya thought to herself, a smile growing.

“I’m beautiful!?” Rose asked. “Kanaya, you are a fucking goddess. Those eyes, that smile… oh fuck, I could stare at you for days,” Rose continued. She was no longer listening to her own words anymore. “I feel like I’m losing reality just looking at you. Your touch… oh god, you don’t even wanna know the other places I want to feel you in…”

I really don’t think I do want to know, Kanaya thought. Or, at least not now.

“Kanaya…” Rose started, but dropped it when Kanaya looked into her eyes.

“Rose,” Kanaya chuckled, “I don’t think I’m the reason you’re losing touch with reality. You need a break from those emotions of yours, dear.” Kanaya caught herself just that crucial moment too late. Dear? What the fuck was wrong with her?

“Let’s get you some sleep,” Kanaya whispered. She picked Rose up, and carried her to her bed. She sat the Seer down onto her soft mattress, and brought her upper body upright. “You need some rest,” Kanaya repeated.

“I don’t fucking want rest,” Rose slurred, exhausted from her little mental outburst.

Kanaya laughed to herself. “Then, what do--” She caught a whisper from Rose.

“Oh god, Kanaya’s so fucking hot when she does that little laugh. Why can’t I just--” She turned to look at Kanaya, realising she had stopped to listen. Her face almost lit up red.

Kanaya let a smile paint itself onto her face, then repeated herself. “Then what do you want…?”

Rose’s blush grew worse as a smile of her own grew. She looked at Kanaya, cupping her hand to her cheek.

“I want… you.”

Rose leaned in for a kiss. Kanaya realised what she wanted, and thousands of emotions rushed through her as she reciprocated. They held onto each other for dear life, Rose losing herself to Kanaya’s touch, the voice of those cute little noises she made (audible because she was filtering out her own). Kanaya gave herself permission to relax, her body loosening as she bathed in Rose’s warmth, the heat that seemed to be radiating from her body. She had lost track how long she had wanted this for at some point. She let Rose’s intoxicating aura take over, losing her reality to this moment with the one person she wanted to be with more than anything else. She let her body feel Rose’s electrifying touch all throughout her as Rose felt herself fading in perfect synchronisation with her lover. God, it felt so right to finally say that. Rose and Kanaya fell into a hypnotic haze, losing their worlds to each others’. Rose felt like Kanaya was her universe. Kanaya felt like Rose was her universe.

But for this moment, they were lost in their own universe.


End file.
